Advice to Mothers

So an important piece of advice for new moms is this: your husband is going to be your most important supporter, so you must keep your relationship with him going as well. It can be hard. During the first six weeks after you have a baby, there isn’t going to be any sex. Your doctor is going to tell you that, and you really aren’t going to feel like it. But there are other ways to keep the relationship going. And after the first six weeks, it doesn’t get any easier. Then you are still tired, and now there is a lot of other stuff to do. But don’t neglect the husband-wife relationship. Here’s my 5 ways to keep the relationship going strong with a new baby in the house.

1) Set aside 20 minutes every day for some “romantic time.” Sometimes the most romantic thing you are going to do is cuddle in bed and fall asleep. But if you set aside 20 minutes every day for just you guys to do something romantic, it will make all the difference. Also - give in to sex in those 20 minutes when you can. It is a simple and easy way to keep him happy, and it will make you feel sexy too (which is something that a new mother has a hard time doing when she doesn’t have time to shave, wax and all the other things we used to do).

2. Make a date night. We do date night every Friday. Sometimes it really is a date night- it starts after our son goes to bed. But we always do something. Sometimes we get a babysitter and we go out. Sometimes we simply play a game, watch a movie or order pizza. We are also big fans of cuddling on the couch and reading together. But just pick a night to set aside for you guys, and do something.

3. Don’t keep the baby in your room. Oh do I know how hard this is. I was scared he was going to wake up and I wouldn’t hear him through the monitor. I was scared he was going to stop breathing and I wouldn’t know. I was scared that he wouldn’t know we loved him. But we kept him in our room for 1 month. Then I had to give him up into his own room. It was the best decision. Our room is back to being our room. Nothing else. We can cuddle or do whatever we want without the baby in the room. I know this isn’t always possible. But when it is, make sure to do it.

4. Give each other massages. It is tiring being a new parent, and it can make you ache all over. Both of you. So make sure to offer each other massages. Maybe make the rule that whoever is changing the baby get a back scratch while doing the changing. We do it that whoever is reading to the baby gets a back rub/foot rub while reading to him. It suits everyone. Reading becomes a family event, and someone get a massage of a sorts. It is nice easy and a cheap way to stay in touch with each other.

5. Lastly - go out every month and leave the baby with someone - and do not talk about the baby. This is the hardest thing in the world. Your lives are so wrapped up in feeding, diapers, napping etc that you aren’t sure there is a lot to talk about. But there is. You guys can  tlak about work. what is going on in the world, chores…even your desires and wants. Just not about the baby. Make it time for the two of you, so that you each feel the other is important.

Well, good luck on all these. I hope they help. These are tried and true things that have worked for me and for others.

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